By Proxy
by Child of Two Worlds
Summary: Song fic about Sirius taking a break while on the run and thinking about stuff and his situation. MWPP memories intersperced. Summer after GoF (Now Formated!)


**Disclaimer** - I don't own any of the characters mentioned since the Harry Potter world belongs to J.K. Rowlings. I'm just a visitor. I'm not making any money off this. I didn't write the song either.   


**AN** - *_thoughts_* I hope the italics stay, but if they don't the thoughts are between the stars. And /**something**/ in between slashes is emphasized in case the italics and bolds don't stay.   


02-13-2002 - I formated the story.   


The song is "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling.   
  


* * *

  


It was one of the perfect summer days: the sky was a deep blue, the sun was warm and there were a few fleecy cloudy being blown about in the sky. The scenery of rolling hills, tall green grasses, and a lovely little pond full of cool, clear water reflected Sirius's good mood. Sunny places always brightened his moods now-a-days.   


Sirius felt the tall grasses whip his legs as he made his way up the slope. His dip in the pond had cooled him off considerably. He doubted the owner used it often by the lack of anyone being there on such a near perfect day, near perfect in the sense that Sirius had been traveling for days and could not lazy about in the sun as he would have liked. Also, there was that fact that he was traveling as a dog. It's not the greatest thing in the world to be walking for miles on end while wearing a fur coat. Fur is quite handy in the winter when it keeps the knives of cold from his skin, but in the summer...let's just say it's not fun to be a smelly, sweaty dog nearly 24/7 especially since canines have a keen sense of smell.   


Passing a thick oak with dark leaves he decided it would be preferable to be completely dry before moving on. (Wet dog smell!) With the sun to his right he sat on a stone wall, bringing his legs up and resting his arms on his knees as his cloak fell to his sides. The wall marked the boundary of the private land and the little-used dirt road. Sighing as he ran his hand through his wet hair, the wind tickled his skin where it was wet. He was still on the run, this was just a short break. He scowled at his travel-stained robes and poked a finger through a hole in his hem. *_When was the last time I bought new robes?_* he wondered, *_More accurately, when was the last time I could waltz into "**Gladrags Wizardwear**" and buy new robes?_* his finger wiggled back at him from the other side of the hole as he smiled wryly. Sirius knew why he was doing this, staying away, striving to be free, it was a simple thing: he was trying to be there for Harry.   


Sirius took in his surroundings as he thought, *_Some godfather I am. I'm doing whatever I can, but I'm not doing very much am I?_* His smile waned and he let his gaze wander along the wall which stretched off into the distance, *_Right now he is...no wait...should be...no.../**has**/ to be with his Aunt and Uncle._* Sirius paused in his thinking to scowl at his knowledge of the Durleys, none of which was positive, and the fact that Harry had to endure them because (long story short) Sirius had been a prat during the series of events that lead up to James' and Lily's deaths and got himself thrown in Azkaban for thirteen years. He sighed, *_I had a nice flat before all this stuff happened, he could be living there._* Again Sirius paused in his revelry, he had just realized something, *_If something were to happen that Harry could no longer live with the Durleys where would he go? Who would take care of him?_* Remus immediately came to mind but just as quickly was put aside for obvious reasons that were beyond his control, Dumbledore was the second to pop up in his mind but was replaced by the face of a red haired boy that Sirius could not remember the name of. *_If something happens to me someone is going to have to take up where I cannot, maybe that boy and his family will watch over Harry._* It was far fetched from his point of view, but at least Harry had a friend.   


Sirius remembered the last time he saw Harry, ashened face and exhausted. Surely he wasn't now, but then...then Sirius wanted nothing more but to hold Harry in his arms, to bring warmth back to his limbs, albeit he was fourteen at the time. However, Sirius had to retrain himself until Dumbledore said otherwise and even when Dumbledore did say so Sirius immediately wanted to carry Harry to bed. Still Harry had to walk. *_It seems no one is allowed to carry that boy. Harry always has to carry himself. He had looked so haunted but what could you expect of someone who had seen what he had seen._* His godson had seen Voldemort return, even as he saw what was thought to be the end nearly fourteen years ago. *_If Voldemort reaches the height of power he had before then no one would be untouched._* These were dark thoughts but Sirius was comforted slightly in the thought that Harry was a survivor. According to Dumbledore there had been attempts on Harry's life each year he was at Hogwarts and he kept going. *_But would he have the /**will**/ to keep going after enduring so much pain? Surely he could, if there were others he could lean on, not just others leaning on him._*   


~*~  
So lately, been wondering  
Who'll be there to take my place  
When I'm gone you'll need love  
To light the shadows on your face  
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all  
Then between the sand and stone  
Could you make it on your own  
~*~

  


*_Maybe,_* thought Sirius, *_I'll be there myself so he can lean on me...though he should be able to do that now. If only..._* Sirius threw his head back and looked up into the leaves and branches of the trees, he could just see bits of blue sky in between the green. *_He 's going to do a lot with his life, I can feel it, and I'll be there when he does._* Sirius smiled to himself, *_There will be tough times ahead, I can feel that too. The fact that Dumbledore has sent me out here proves it beyond any doubts. So perhaps, in an indirect way, I'm still performing my duties as a godfather. I'm protecting you, Harry, even if by proxy._*   


~*~  
If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go  
~*~

  


*_One day, hopefully, I'll be legal again. Not some convict, not a murderer...although if I get my hands on that traitor I may have to nix that last part._* Unknowingly he had clenched his fists. Upon realizing this he slowly relaxed them as he muttered a series of curses under his breath. A quick glance showed red nail marks lined along his palms. *_One day, I'll get my freedom, and my flat. I just hope it's before you have a place of your own ...or children for that matter._* Sirius smiled slightly at that thought. *_When I do, I'll make it up to you and it won't be with some fancy broom to buy your affection, it will be with time. I'll be there for you in person, not by owl post. Once this is over, the running and hiding, I will be right by your side where I can watch over you and protect you as I'm supposed to...as I want to._*   


Sirius shifted his weight. He had been sitting there a good ten minutes and was loosing the feeling in one of his legs. As he swung his legs down from the wall he wondered if he would ever get to take Harry someplace like this. It was very peaceful to be able to sit here in the shade. The shade of the tree was cool and comforting, which was so much unlike the darkness that Harry was facing, and going to face. Harry's darkness was stinging cold and surrounded by an aura of death. Soon that darkness would not be Harry's alone. Once Fudge realized the dangers did exist, and were not the ramblings of a youth and unsteady Potions Master, steps could be taken to protect everyone. The wards were not one hundred percent effective but they did offer something: there are people that could be saved when they would not be if measures were not taken. Despite everything Sirius still hoped that through it all he could be there for Harry and be a proper godfather.   


~*~  
And maybe I'll find out  
A way to make it back someday  
To watch you, to guide you  
Through the darkest of your days  
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all  
Then I hope there's someone out there  
Who can bring me back to you  
~*~

  


*_A proper godfather is one that gives his heart freely._* Sirius though philosophically. *_Harry's free to take that... After what happened... after all these years Harry makes up a very large percentage of what I have left...and I don't have very much left._* Sirius remembered a day, long ago, when he was a student in Hogwarts where an irate McGonagall told the class, mostly him and James though, that they should pay more attention to their studies and work to perfect their spells since they will eventually grow up. "You are the future," she had said in exasperation, "and I do not think you want to live in a future where no one but Mr. Lupin can turn a match into a decent needle." She smirked, "He would get tired of you all showing up on his doorstep at all hours of the day and night making demands." Sirius also remembered, with a certain satisfaction, that Peter had stuck his finger shortly afterwards. Hopefully he would get to make new, happier memories with Harry, sooner rather than later. If Dumbledore's plan went well, as if Sirius knew of the plan himself, he would be getting to spend much more time with his godson.   


~*~  
If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go  
  


Run away with my heart  
Run away with my hope  
Run away with my love  
~*~   


*_Maybe, even if I can't be there, the past can live on in Harry. He knows a few of the stories from when everyone and I were in Hogwarts. And he has that photo album...I remember Dumbledore mentioning it. So it's not like he doesn't know anything about his family or his history...and I could always get Moony to tell the history of the Marauders._* Sirius smiled. Things didn't look so bleak after all. If he couldn't be with Harry and tell the stories himself there were other people to tell them. *_Moony's a good story-teller, Harry will feel like he's right there with everyone from our year. He'll know his family almost as well as he would have if..._* Sirius was unable to complete that thought.   


~*~  
I know now, just quite how  
My life and love might still go on  
In your heart, in your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time  
~*~

  


The wishes that he could spend that time with Harry now wandered to the "what if...?" fantasy where none of the bad things ever happened. *_What if they hadn't died?..._*Sirius wondered in his melancholy. Sometimes his mind went there when he was depressed. However, he couldn't allow himself pretend, even for a moment, that the last fourteen years were not real. Forcefully he reminded himself that, *_No amount of dreaming could change the past, even if I would give anything to set everything back to the way it was before that Halloween night._*   


Sirius fiercely dragged his thoughts away from the path they were following and set them back on the task at hand. He had been there before, in Azkaban, and knew that down that road was despair. The new path, the one that left the past behind and faced the future full on, leads towards hope and light. *_I may not be able to change the past, but I can affect the present in the hopes of a better future,_* he thought as he stood up his robes fell about him and then billowed dramatically in the brisk wind. After sitting under the tree for nearly half an hour he was ready to move on.   


With a pop he became the big black dog sometimes known as Padfoot, and other times the infamous Azkaban escapee and murderer Sirius Black (and on the odd occasion he was spoken of in mixed company, Snuffles). He still had many miles to travel but there was a certain light that kept him going. This is a light we all have in our hearts that is known as "hope". *_I do what I must for those I love._* Padfoot thought with one last look at the pond as he sauntered along the wall towards the north. *_And this is what I'm needed to do._*   


~*~  
If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go  
  


If I could turn back time  
I'll go wherever you will go  
If I could make you mine  
I'll go wherever you will go  
I'll go wherever you will go  
~*~   
  


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**AN** - You came this far, could you please leave a review? Thanks ^.^ 


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